Transdimensional Archives


[See Profiles of A New Team for disclaimer]

It's Valentine's Day!!!
By Crypt

Valentine's Day was finally here! The Spice Club members were especially looking forward to this day to show how much they truly love each other. They love to cuddle up with each other and mess around like preschoolers.

Jenny and C.C. were sitting at a table in the Angel Grove Juice Bar. They were scheduled to go on a double-date with Spinal and the Cryptkeeper. Jenny was looking gorgeous in her vanilla-colored dress with pink and purple flowers on it. She wore a white short-sleeve shirt under the dress' spaghetti straps. To accentuate her beauty, she wore a pearl barette in her long dark-brown hair. C.C. was just dazzling in her black, sleeveless outfit. Just then, Justin came to their table.

"Girls, I need to ask you something," he said. "I want to ask Hallie to be my date for the Valentine's Dance, but I'm a little nervous."

"What's to be afraid of?" C.C. asked.

"Actually, my sister hasn't really shown any interest in guys, but you never know," Jenny explained. "She might say yes, but you'll never know until you ask her."

"You're right; I should ask her today," said Justin.

"Sounds like a good idea, since the dance is today," Jenny told him.

"So, why are you two all dressed up?" Justin asked.

"We're waiting for our dates," C.C. replied.

"And the dance is going to be our big finale," Jenny added.

At that moment, Spinal and the Cryptkeeper walked in. C.K. was in his jet black tuxedo. Spinal was dressed the only way he could dress: His red headband, the spiked metal bracelets which covered his entire forearms, and the spiked metal belt with red leather straps hanging from it. They both pulled out a rose and handed it to the girls simultaneously. C.C. stared at Spinal.

"Oh Spinal, I can almost see roses in your eyes," she said.

"C.K., you're too sweet; I just don't deserve this," Jenny said.

"Are you kidding? Of course you deserve it," the Cryptkeeper replied. "You're the greatest girl I've ever met."

"Hey Jenny, this package just came for you," Lt. Stone called, placing a box on the table. The package had no label whatsoever.

"What's this?" Jenny asked.

"Open it and see," said the Cryptkeeper.

So Jenny opened the box and a white plastic hand instantly popped up holding a dozen roses. The group gasped and jumped back. Jenny looked into the package and found a heart-shaped box with a note attached to it. She opened the note and read it aloud:

" 'Dear Tonfa Spice. Roses are red, violets are blue. Now and for all eternity, I love you. Just slip into something out-of-this-world, and I will come for you on Valentine's Day. Signed, your secret admirer.' "

Jenny opened the heart-shaped box and found chocolate pieces inside. She popped one in her mouth. She had a hard time swallowing, for she made a horrible grimace. Then she ran into the restroom covering her mouth.

"Where're you going?" Spinal called.

"Hmm." The Cryptkeeper picked up a chocolate piece and broke it in half to reveal a slug inside. "No wonder! Looks like the secret admirer isn't so secret anymore."

"Eeeeuw, gross!" C.C. cried.

Jenny returned a minute later. "Blech! There's only one creature who could've sent that package."

All four of them said his name aloud: "Elgar!"

"Hey, Lt. Stone, can you take care of these roses for me?" Jenny asked.

"Sure," Lt. Stone said. "Hey, don't you want your chocolates?"

"No thanks; you can throw them out."

"All right; let's get hot!" the Cryptkeeper called, locking arms with Jenny.

Spinal and C.C. locked arms and the four walked out together.

Meanwhile, up in Divatox's Space Base…

"Eeeeuw, Valentine's Day! Yuckie!" Divatox cried. "I hate love."

"But I love Tonfa Spice," Elgar said.

"Well, she didn't seem too happy with that package you sent her," Divatox told him.

"Not to worry, Elgar," said Porto. "I've created this love arrow that will make her fall in love with you. Just make sure that you're the first one she sees after being shot."

"All right! Thanks, Porto! Let's go, Piranahtrons!"

"Not so fast," Divatox said. "Havoc!"

General Havoc came into the room instantly. "You called, sister?"

"Go with Elgar and make sure he doesn't mess it up."

"Yes, of course."

Havoc, Elgar, and the Piranahtrons headed down to Earth immediately.

Jenny, C.K, Spinal, and C.C. were having a wonderful time on their date. They took a nice walk down the beach, then had a picnic lunch. They frolicked in the park and sang love songs to each other. Of course, the monsters had to spoil all their fun.

"Hey, baby!" Elgar shouted.

"Elgar!" Jenny gasped.

"You got it! Did you get my itty bitty package?"

"Yeah, I got your itty bitty package. Those slugs were disgusting."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it," Elgar said. "Get 'em, boys!"

The Piranahtrons attacked. Jenny gave one a sweep, then threw another over her shoulder and stomped on it. Two of the creatures grabbed Spinal's arms and threw him back. The Cryptkeeper rushed to his aid and took out the attackers.

"Hey, Tonfa Spice!" Elgar called. "It's Valentine's Day!"

He took out a bow and prepared to fire Porto's love arrow. Jenny froze in fear. Elgar fired the arrow. Jenny leaped, spreading her legs out and allowing the arrow to pass beneath her. Spinal grabbed a trash can lid and held it in front of him. The arrow bounced off and headed in Jenny's direction again. This time, she ducked under it.

"Look out!" Elgar rolled out of the way, and the arrow struck General Havoc in the chest. "Oh no! Uncle Havoc, are you all right?"

"Ooooh, hubba hubba!" Havoc cried.

"Oh no!" Jenny cried.

Havoc raced up to her and grabbed her wrist. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Just step this way, toots, and we'll have a nice spot of tea together."

"Toots?" Jenny muttered.

"Oh no, you don't!" Elgar shouted, grabbing her other wrist. "I fell in love with her first; she's mine! Come right this way, babe."

The two were soon pulling Jenny in opposite directions. Jenny was groaning in pain.

"Ow! Stop it!"

"Well, I had to write that stupid love note for you!" Havoc argued. "You're coming with me, sweetcakes."

"Hey, don't worry, princess," Elgar told Jenny. "Handsome Elgar's here!"

"C.K., do something!" Jenny screamed.

"What do you want me to do?" the Cryptkeeper asked, laughing.

"Just help me!"

Fortunately, the Power Rangers flipped into action.

"Let her go!" shouted T.J.

"No! She's mine!" Elgar cried, jerking Jenny.

"No, mine!" Havoc shouted, jerking her in the other direction.





"We have to stop this!" Ashley said.

"Right," Carlos said.

He and T.J. pulled out their laser weapons and shot both monsters. Jenny staggered back over to her team.

"We'd better fix you up, Uncle Havoc," Elgar said.

The aliens vanished. Jenny dropped to her knees, sobbing. She'd never felt so humiliated before in her life!

"Are you all right?" Spinal asked.

"Yeah, but I'm just a little sore," Jenny replied. "I've never been so humiliated in all my life! What am I gonna do with both Elgar and General Havoc breathing down my neck!?"

"Oh, you'll think of something," the Cryptkeeper said. "Can't have too many guys on you."

"Thanks for your help, Rangers," C.C. said.

The Power Rangers waved goodbye and teleported away. The double-daters sat down. Jenny saw on the Cryptkeeper's lap, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Spinal sat on the bench while C.C. sat behind him on the table. She rubbed his arms thoroughly, then went for his ribcage. C.K. looked over and smiled.

"Feels good, don't it, Spinal?" he asked.

Spinal just chuckled nervously and covered his face. The others knew that he would have blushed if he were capable.

"It's just that…I have a little something," he stammered. "Come down here for a minute, C.C."

C.C. sat down next to Spinal as he pulled out two small boxes. He opened one and pulled out a white handkerchief with lipstick smeared on it.

"On our first date, you kiss me, and I used this handkerchief to wipe your lipstick off my skull," he explained.

C.C. gasped softly. "You saved that?"

"And this is the flower that you wore in your hair on that first date," Spinal went on. "Open the second box, please."

C.C. opened the box and pulled out a cylinder container. Spinal opened it and put the handkerchief and flower inside.

"This is a miniature time capsule. We'll bury it outside of Hull House, and fifty years from this date, we'll open it together," he concluded.

C.C. hugged him so fast, he was startled. The Cryptkeeper wiped a fake tear from his eye.

"Spinal…I've known you for two centuries, and I've never, I mean NEVER, seen the romantic side of you."

Spinal just chuckled. "Let's see you beat that, Mr. Hot-Shot Romeo!"

"Hmmph!" snapped C.C.

"Whoa, whoa, guys, none of that," Jenny said.

"Why not?" asked the Cryptkeeper. "This is Valentine's Day, girl!"

"Right, and Valentine's Day is a day for romance, not some macho contest!"

"I was just kidding," Spinal said. "I wasn't trying to start a competition. It's just that C.K. brags about his love, kinda like Gasket and Archerina."

"Those two make me sick!" C.K. cried. "They claim to love each other, but no two persons love each other like Jenny and I do, right, honey?"

"I suppose," Jenny replied.

Meanwhile, the Space Aliens returned to the Space Base.

"Oh, how do I love thee…" General Havoc sighed.

"Hmm. Fortunately, I have prepared some antidote arrows," said Porto. "Now hold still, General."

He fired the antidote and Havoc was returned to normal.

"Finally! Now she's all mine!" Elgar cried.

"Elgar, you dunderhead, she hates you!" Divatox told him.

"There are better ways to pursuade her to marry you," Havoc said.

"Really? Got any ideas?" Elgar asked.

"Sure. A good way to make the approach is to nab her little sister — Candy Spice. Then Tonfa Spice will have no choice."

"Hey, I like it."

They got their deed done within the half-hour. Soon, Jenny noticed her ring flashing. She opened the top and spoke.

"Go ahead; we read you."

"Hey, baby!" Elgar shouted.

The group glanced at each other, confused.

"Hello?" Jenny asked.

"It's me — Elgar!"

"Move over, let a pro handle this," Havoc said. "Ah, good afternoon, Spice Club. We thought you might like to know that Candy Spice is our prisoner."

"Why?" Jenny asked.

"She's your sister, isn't she?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, the only way you can save your sister is to join Elgar in holy matrimony."

"Oh, Lord!" Jenny sobbed.

"Take a moment to think about it," Havoc said.

"Hey, are you still wearing that dress?" Elgar asked.


"Perfect! Don't worry, turtledove, I've got everything else covered. So, whaddaya say?"

Jenny sighed in frustration. "All right, all right! I give up; I'll do it!"

"What!?" her friends cried in unison.

"I knew I was irresistable," Elgar said. "I'll pick you up before you know it. See ya."

Jenny closed her ring and sat down. "Oh, for the love of Mars!"

"Do you know what you're doing!?" C.C. cried.

"Come on, Jenn, you know they're not going to let her go," Spinal added.

"I know, but what else can I do?" Jenny asked. "Refusing is like throwing my sister's life away. After all, Hallie is my only living kin."

"Well, I can't argue," said the Cryptkeeper. "I don't know what to say. But the rest of us can try to find a way to stop that crazy wedding and save Hallie."

Then Elgar showed up. "Let's go; time to get ready."

Jenny took a deep breath. "Well, we all know what I have to do," she said. "Tell the rest of the Spice Club, good luck."

The other three hugged her goodbye, then she walked over to Elgar.

"Aww, why the long faces?" he asked. "She'll come down to visit every once in a while."

"Elgar, just get outta here before we go nuts!" the Cryptkeeper cried.

"Right. Gotta go!"

With the blink of an eye, they vanished.

"She vowed never to marry Elgar," C.C. said.

"Well, she wasn't expecting him to go to such extremes to get her to do it," Spinal added.

"But I can't let her go through with it!" the Cryptkeeper cried. "I think we'll need the Rangers' help again."

They contacted the Power Rangers and informed them of the situation.

"She's actually marrying Elgar?" Cassie asked, like she couldn't believe it.

"Yeah. As far as we know, it's the only way to save Hallie," replied the Cryptkeeper.

"How long has Elgar had this so-called crush?" asked Carlos.

"From the second he laid eyes on her," C.K. said.

"And she knew it from the start," Spinal added.

"But all I wanna do is stop this cockamamie wedding and save those spicy sisters," the Cryptkeeper said.

"Okay. We'll teleport you guys to the Power Chamber and we'll work out a plan," T.J. suggested.

The Spices teleported out of the park.

Meanwhile, the Piranahtrons were setting up the wedding in a palace located in another dimension. Elgar climbed the stairs throwing rice about. However, he tripped over the last step. He lay on his back with several Piranahtrons gathered around him.

"Lucky Tonfa Spice is gonna have me as her handsome husband," he mumbled.

In the throne room, another group of Piranahtrons were working on the music. But they were just banging their drums and other instruments. Jenny stood with her hands clamped over her ears, getting the sensation that her head would explode. Elgar stormed in to stop the commotion.

"No, no, no!" he shouted. "Put some rhythm into it, some romance, some…you know."

Jenny covered her face now. Then she remembered the reason she was suffering from this total humiliation.


"Yes, my beautiful betrothed?" Elgar called, approaching her.

"Where's my sister?" Jenny asked.

"Oh, she's just in that room over there."

"Okay…" Jenny instantly rushed into the room. Two Piranahtrons were holding Hallie by the arms. "All right, you two, break it up."

The Piranahtrons released Hallie, who instantly clung to her sister.

"Don't do it, Sis! Please don't marry Elgar!" she cried. "I'd rather be dead!"

"Don't be silly, Hallie," Jenny said. "Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices. You understand?"

"Awww, isn't this a Kodak moment?" Elgar asked. "All right, boys, send Candy Spice back to Earth."

With that, the aliens teleported Hallie away. Elgar took Jenny by the hand.

"Well, m'dear, almost time. Let's go."

At the Power Chamber, the Rangers were just about ready to locate Jenny. Luckily, they got a call from Hallie.

"I don't believe it!" Ashley cried. "They let her go."

"Now Jenny has to keep her end of the deal," Spinal added. "Oh, I just can't picture it."

"Hey, I found out where they are!" Justin called. "They're in Dimension X."

"All right! Let's Shift into Turbo!" T.J. shouted.

The Rangers morphed into their costumes and teleported along with the Spices.

"All right, I'm here now," Divatox called as she approached with General Havoc, Porto, and Rygog. "The ceremony can begin."

"This calls for a lava juice toast," Elgar said as the Piranahtrons handed each of them a glass filled with a thick dark-red fluid.

"Lava juice?" Jenny asked. "Doesn't lava kill you?"

"Not this stuff," Elgar replied. "This stuff is good for your bloodstream."

"Oh, don't worry about it," Havoc said.

"To us, my darling," Elgar said.

They tapped their glasses together and drank the lava juice in one gulp. To Jenny, it tasted rather nasty, like steak sauce with way too much sugar. She tried hard not to grimace, but it was hopeless.

But Elgar didn't mind. He took the glass from her. "That's okay. It might take a while to adjust to our diet. It might also take a while to adjust to sleeping with me."

Jenny's eyes widened. "Excuse me," she muttered, walking off.

"What's with her?" Rygog asked.

"She's nervous," Porto replied. "She's lost her friends, her home, and her freedom all in one day. And I don't think she feels like she can fit in."

"Well, what can I do?" asked Elgar.

"Maybe if you give her a little more of your love, she'll feel better," Havoc suggested.

"That I can do."

Elgar snuck up behind Jenny and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. She gasped in response, then relaxed.

"Elgar, you scared me to death!" she cried.

"What's wrong, gorgeous? You nervous?" Elgar asked.

"Are you kidding? I haven't been this scared since all those times I had to present projects in high school. How am I going to fit in with a bunch of space monsters?"

"Oh, don't worry, Valentine. I'll help you adjust. Oooh, it's time!"

He released Jenny from the bear hug, took her hand and raced to the aisle.

"Oh no," she whimpered. I'm really not ready to get hitched. But what can I do? I made a deal.

She and Elgar stood side-by-side in front of General Havoc himself.

"We are gathered here to witness the joining of this creature and this human in holy matrimony," he said. "Elgar, please slip the wedding ring onto her finger."

"Oh boy." Elgar searched his pockets frantically and pulled out many disgusting things. "Here, baby, you can hold on to my snake."

He handed Jenny a rattlesnake. Jenny instantly screamed and threw it away, then clutched Elgar tightly.

"Elgar, don't you know that rattlesnakes can be deadly to humans?" Havoc asked.

"Really? I didn't know. Ah, here it is!" Elgar slipped the ring onto Jenny's finger.

"Now the part we've all been waiting for," Havoc said. "Elgar, do you take Tonfa Spice to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold…?"

"Yes, yes, yes!! I do, I do!!!" Elgar cried before Havoc could go on.

Jenny buried her face in her hands as Havoc turned to her. When she looked up, there was a tear running down each cheek.

"Do you, Tonfa Spice, take Elgar to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Havoc asked. "To have and to hold, in sickness and in health; will you comfort him for as long as you both shall live?"

Jenny was more hesitant to answer, thinking about all those descriptions. Elgar was grinning ear-to-ear.

That's it, baby. Just say those two words and you're officially mine, he thought.

"Okay…" Jenny muttered, taking a deep breath. "All right…I…d—"

"Cut the wedding!" a voice interrupted.

Jenny and the monsters spun around. There stood the Power Rangers and the three Spices. They rushed into the room and started messing it up.

"Oh no!" Elgar screamed.

"Sorry, Elgar," Jenny said. "I just can't go through with it. I'm just not old enough."

She started running to her friends when the Piranahtrons grabbed her. Luckily, she shook them off and kicked them all away.

"Come on, Tonfa Spice, we're outta here!" T.J. shouted.

They all joined hands and teleported back to Earth.

"Aww man! I was this close to marrying her!" Elgar cried.

"What's the use of her anyway?" Divatox asked.

"It's really quite simple," Havoc replied. "Tonfa Spice would have become your niece. Since she's the leader of the Spices, you'd have the whole team under your control."

"Oh really?"

That night, the Spices attended the Valentine's Dance as they planned.

"So, Jenny…" the Cryptkeeper said. "Aren't you relieved that you didn't have to marry Elgar?"

"Uh-huh." Jenny nodded with a sigh.

"I don't think she wants to talk about it, C.K.," Spinal said.

"There just has to be some way to get him out of my hair," Jenny muttered.

"Oh don't worry," C.K. told her. "He's gotta get tired of you sometime."

"Say, where's Justin?" Jenny asked. "Did he ask Hallie to the dance?"

At that moment, Justin and Hallie walked into the Youth Center with their arms locked. They immediately approached the double-daters.

"Hi, Sis," Hallie said. "Sorry I'm late. Guess what; Justin asked me to be his date! Isn't that great!?"

"Yeah, it's great," Jenny replied.

Suddenly, some cool disco music started playing.

"Ooooh, come on, Justin; they're playing our song!" Hallie cried, dragging Justin onto the dance floor.

Jenny and the Cryptkeeper looked into each other's eyes and engaged themselves in a long, passionate kiss. When they were done, they looked over at their partners. C.C. was kissing Spinal's face rapidly. Spinal just stared into space, chuckling nervously.

"Okay, all right; enough, stop, desist!" he cried.

Surprisingly, C.C. did stop. "I can't help it," she said. "You're cute." She kissed him again.

"Ah, love…" Jenny sighed. "It's funny in a lot of ways."

"Uh, souvenir?" C.C. asked, pointing to Jenny's finger.

Jenny looked at her finger and realized that she was still wearing the "wedding ring" that Elgar had given her. "Yeah, souvenir. I'll add it to our treasured collection."

C.C. handed Spinal a bag of candy hearts with the little phrases on them.

"What's this?" Spinal asked.

"It's candy, silly. You eat it," C.C. replied.

"Well, Spinal, since you can't eat, what are you going to do with that?" Jenny asked.

"I guess I'll use it as a pillow or something," Spinal said. "Hmm…'Marry me!' Gee, I dunno."

"Will you marry me, Spinal?" C.C. asked innocently.

Jenny turned away from them. She let out a shriek as the Cryptkeeper suddenly scooped her into his arms.

"We'll let you two settle this one on your own," he said. "My woman and I simply must dance."

Jenny let out a sigh. "Happy Valentine's Day."

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