TV or Not TV?
By Larry J. Hall
By Larry J. Hall
Part I
The Power Rangers were invited back to appear on Harvey Garvey's talk show. We find Harvey and his new sidekick, Randy Richmond, talking about today's show with the audience.
"Today we got, from Akron 44444, super model and hunk Bobby LaBranch! Game show host Pat Ajax to test our knowledge, and I'm proud to have back, The Power Rangers!"
The audience cheered.
"Wow! The Power Rangers! Where's my autograph book?" asked Randy, "I heard that there'a a treat in store."
"Yes," said Harvey. "For the first time, The Power Rangers are morphin' as a rock group!"
"Go, go, Hanson Rangers!" kidded Randy as the audience laughed.
"The Power Rangers not only defend Angel Grove, they wrote a song. You'll hear their musical side later."
At the Command Center, Zordon talked to his heroes.
"I can't believe the Power Rangers are going to embarass themselves playing music."
"Zordon, didn't you tell us that we could accomplish a lot with music?" asked Tommy, "Were doing a song with a message."
"Billy and I wrote the song and since the fanfic writer's a Billy fan, he's singing." said Kimberly.
"Ai, yi, yi!" Alpha exclaimed, "I get goosebumps when Billy sings and plays the guitar!"
"Larry," Zordon said, "This is the last fanfic that Billy rocks. He goes back to his science. As for you, if your song's a bomb, I'll take away your powers, FOX will cancel you and you'll move to TNBC!"
"Not that!" they said.
"Zordon," reasoned Billy, "if The Flash can defeat a drug dealer with a guitar lick and the Ninja Turtles can do a concert tour, why not us?"
"Very well, let the power protect you. But watch out for tomatoes!"
Up on the moon, Rita and Zedd were upset.
"Not another musical episode where Billy sings and plays guitar, and the White Ranger plays tympani! I feel another headache. I'd rather flip channels."
"That's it!" said Zedd, "I'll remake my Showbiz Monster. He'll zap the Rangers and trap 'em in TV Land. Then we can watch the Rangers doom on TV!"
Meanwhile on Harvey Garvey, the Rangers were being interviewed.
"Who sings?"
"The girls and I'm the only male vocal," said the Blue Ranger, "I took voice lessons & brushed up on my guitar."
"White Ranger, you're very brave. I got a poster here of you playing the tympani," Harvey Garvey says, showing the poster to the viewing audience, "You encourage kids to beat on drums, not each other."
"Cool message," said White Ranger as audience applauded.
"Why the tympani?" asked Randy, "That's an orchestral instrument!"
"I feel the power when I play thunderous music."
"What instruments do you play?" asked Randy.
Because Adam couldn't play his tenor sax with his helmet, the Black and White Rangers played the drums (and tympani for White Ranger), the Red Ranger on bass guitar, the Yellow Ranger on keys, and the Pink and Blue Rangers on guitars (Pink, acoustic and Blue, electric). Also, the Red, Pink and Blue wore special satin gloves to be able to play their guitars.
"We'll be back with the Power Rangers as a band after this commercial!" exclaimed Harvey with the audience applauding.
Just then, the Showbiz Monster appeared, frightening the audience, crew, and Randy.
"We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin!" said Show Biz. "The Rangers will be trapped in TV Land!"
"Get off my show and pick on Conan O'Brien!" said Harvey as the monster zapped and missed him.
Then, the Rangers did battle with the monster. One by one, Show Biz zapped each Ranger into a TV show dimension.
Rita and Zedd had a TV on the moon as they watched the Rangers' doom. Except for the girls, each Ranger was on a different type of show.
EDGEBROOK AT NIGHT: Soap opera set in the twin cities of Edgebrook and Clearwood. We find the Pink Ranger making out with David Toys (you figure out the last name anagram). The Yellow Ranger catches them.
"That's my boyfriend!" said Yellow Ranger.
"Finder's keepers!" smirked Pink Ranger, "I'm pregnant with his child."
"No, you're not! You've got a basketball in your stomach!" the Yellow Ranger cried as the basketball fell out of her stomach. Then they started fighting each other.
"Will David choose Yellow or Pink? Will he find true happiness with a Power Ranger?" the announcer pumped.
"Will the announcer ever shut up?" said David as the fight continued.
Zedd switched channels to…
Part II
THE MONKEY MAZE: Game show hosted by Mike Looney with the Blue Ranger as the contestant.
"Leave it to Larry, Blue Ranger got a game show!" complained Rita.
"Welcome back!" said Mike. "The Blue Ranger's studying the maze. If he can grab the bananas and puts them on the lucky table in 60 seconds, he'll win our $20,000 stash!"
The audience cheered as the Blue Ranger went down the maze. Then the bell rang as he ran the maze. 24 seconds past when he grabbed the bananas. Then Mike Looney released the gorillas! The Blue Ranger was terrified being chaseed by gorillas. There was no escape and the gorillas trapped him at the revolving door! The gorillas spun him as he flew back to the start dizzy! The buzzer sounded, and the Blue Ranger lost. The gorillas ate the bananas.
"Too bad," groaned Mike. "Now you know why we call it The Monkey Maze! But you do win a year's supply of cat food!"
Rita took the remote and switched to…
RED RINGER: Talk show hosted by Red Ranger.
"Today on Ringer, fanfic authors. Our first guest has written three Power Ranger fanfics, Larry J. Hall!"
I came on stage, shook hands with him and sat down.
"I read your cool stories," he said. "Why do you insist that Billy plays the guitar amd sing in every fanfic?"
"When 'The Yolk's On You' was on, Billy fans were fooled when he wore that cowboy gear and had a guitar. We were robbed and Saban cheated David Yost fans!"
Just then, the hecklers got to me.
"David Yost bites!" said one.
"You're a pest to the internet, I'd spray you with Raid!" said another.
"Get a job, you slob! Get a life, marry a henpecking wife!" said a third as he threw a pillow at me. Then I threw it back and the audience had a pillow fight. The Red Ranger and I got clobbered.
Zedd laughed, "This is better than Slinger, Stinger, whatever his last name is!" then Zedd switched to…
NFL FOOTBALL: Black Ranger was in a football game.
"NBC Sports presents the NFL on NBC! Today from the Igloo Dome in Anchorage, Alaska, it's the Honolulu 5-0'ers vs The Anchorage Eskimos!"
Now that's real Fan Fiction, NBC having NFL Football with teams from Alaska and Hawaii!
Black Ranger played running back for the Eskimos. In one play, the Black Ranger could GO ALL THE WAY! But a 5-0 player grabbed his face mask, coughing the ball up. Another 5-0er intercepted it and ran it for a touchdown! The Black Ranger complained to the referee about the face mask call, but it was a legal play!
Before the White Ranger's show, Alpha and Zordon saw what happened at the Command Center.
"Ai, yi, yi!" Alpha groaned, "The Rangers are being humiliated on TV shows! What will we do?"
Zordon thought and said, "Unfortunately, we must call on an outsider to help us. And I've got the outsider for the job."
That outsider could be found at Crossroad City Park. Ryan Steele was throwing frisbees as his talking dog, Jeb, catches them.
"Ryan," said Jeb, "let's stop! I got to head to the trees and…"
"I get you," said Ryan. "And don't make out with poodles!"
Ryan packed his frisbee in his motorcycle amd got a message from the Professor.
"Ryan," the Professor said, "I got word from Zordon that the Rangers are trapped in a monster. You must help them."
"TROOPER TRANSFORM!" yelled Ryan as he turned into a VR Trooper and his bike turned into a motorcycle/sidecar. Jeb hopped on the sidecar as Ryan drove.
FLIPS: Florida Interstate Police crime drama. We find the White Ranger cruisin' down U.S. 1 on a police motorcycle, patroling the beaches and looking at babes in bikinis. Then a car speeded by at 100 mph. So, the White Ranger turned on his siren, poured on the speed as disco music's heard.
"No disco music!" said the White Ranger as regular chase music was heard instead.
It went 5 miles west on I-4 as he told the driver to pull over. The car did as the White Ranger approached him. In his car, he saw marijuana!
"Illegal drugs!" he said, "that's 10-20 years in jail!"
"That's not marijuana, it's spearmint!" he explained.
A car cop came by to check out the situation. Indeed, the driver's telling the truth when he smelled spearmint. Then he handcuffed the White Ranger.
"Arrest him! I gotta take this to my gum factory!"
"Going 100 in a 70 mph zone, false arrest, checking out babes at the beach, and impersonating a super hero. Motorcycle cops are good for two things, catching speeders and escorting! Let's go!"
Rita and Zedd laughed at his embarrassment. Just then, the TV got a snowed picture. Rita looked down and screamed, "They got a VR Trooper doing a Ranger's job!"
Ryan Steele was battling Showbiz Monster trying to find a way to free the Rangers. Then Jeb came and bit the cable off the monster. When that happened, the Rangers were back from their TV shows dimensions. Then, the White Ranger used Saba to destroy Showbiz Monster. Rita got a headache!
At the Command Center, the Rangers petted Jeb!
"It's about time Jeb gets to be the hero," he said as he scratched himself for fleas.
"Thank you, VR Trooper and Jeb for saving the Rangers," said Zordon.
"Hey, Ryan! Stick around and watch us rock on Harvey Garvey," said Tommy.
"We got to go back home," said Ryan.
Jeb said, "I don't want to hear Billy sing or I'll go ARROO! (Raspberry)"
"Billy's got a good voice. We disagree!"
"X gets the square!" exclaimed Alpha as they groaned over that Hollywood Squares pun.
The next week, Harvey Garvey had two musical guests, the Rangers and bodybuilder/musician Taylor Jackson. We find Harvey and Randy interviewing Taylor.
"Most bodybuilders consider you a freak for playing music. Why the double life?" asked Harvey.
"Dad wanted me in athletics, and Mom taught me to appreciate music," said Taylor. "Even if I never win Mr. Universe or a Grammy, I did it for my parents."
"Ten musical instruments!" Randy was amazed, "Which do you like to play the best?"
"All!" said Taylor as Harvey looked at his CD.
"In his CD are 11 tracks. Plays a different instrument on each song and plays all ten in one song. He sometimes sings. Song #4; 'Aisha' is climbing the charts. Girlfriend?" Harvey asked.
"Yeah," said Taylor as the girls groaned. "She liked my silky sounds on the electric guitar."
"Next up, the rockin' Power Rangers!" exclaimed Harvey.
A few minutes later, Harvey was excited saying, "They've defended our city from monsters. Now, they're going to play as a rock band. Doing a song they wrote, give it up for the Power Rangers!"
The audience cheered. The spotlight focused on the White Ranger playing a tympani drum roll saying, "You think we're lame for playing?! Listen to our cool song and judge for yourself!"
The White Ranger stops playing and he goes to his drums. The Red Ranger plays a bass guitar solo. Then, the Rangers played together as Blue Ranger sang, "You don't have to go along in a bad situation. You got a mind of your own, fight temptation."
The Pink Ranger sang, "Smoking, drinking, or doing drugs, not a way to go. Be yourself, stand up for your rights, and…"
Pink and Blue "Just say NO! It's so easy to do. Walk away from it all. Don't give in to peer pressure. Just say NO! It's an easy call!"
The Yellow Ranger had a keys solo followed by Blue Ranger's guitar solo. Then the Black and White Rangers played drum solos. The Pink and Blue Rangers sang the chorus again and put a finish on it with the White Ranger's tympani drum roll! The audience liked it!
Even at The Command Center, Zordon was proud. Alpha fainted when the Blue Ranger played guitar and sang!
e