Every Day
By
Dagmar Buse
She was going to break up with him.
Jason could read it in the blue eyes of the woman sitting across from him in the small Italian restaurant as clearly as if she were holding up a sign. It made him sick to his stomach, filling him with a feeling of panic unlike anything he'd ever known. He couldn't lose her — not when 'they' had only barely begun! Not like he'd lost Emily only a few months ago.
The dark-haired young man swallowed the lump always forming in his throat as he remembered that day in spring — when the girl he'd dated since his senior year of High School had coolly informed him that she was moving back East within the week. He'd been completely taken off-guard even though Emily had casually mentioned the possibility before. Jason simply, and as it turned out, foolishly, had hoped their relationship meant more to her — as much as it meant to him. Instead, after he'd overcome his initial shock, he had had to listen in stunned silence as she told him she actively didn't want him to follow her, or even stay in contact. Rather, the spirited blonde had said, she wanted a clean break from everything — including her California boyfriend.
After the first paralyzing pain had worn off, Jason had been glad for one thing — while he would have willingly gone with Emily, he'd have hated to give up his friends, his family and the dojo he managed together with Tommy and Rocky. That was the only positive thing about being dumped by her — that, and the support his friends had offered him so unstintingly, helping him to get through the inevitable questions and self-doubts.
The person who'd helped him the most, though, was with him right now, looking anywhere but at him as she fiddled with the stem of her wineglass. Katherine. Another beautiful blue-eyed blonde who had listened and soothed, talked and shared anguished silences while he was trying to cope with his loss. Somewhere along the line, they'd started to share more than just words and confidences, offering comfort with hugs that lasted longer and longer, hands that found each other while taking walks, until finally, only a couple of weeks ago, they'd kissed for the first time.
Jason had believed everything was fine now, finding new peace through Kat's support and acceptance, and he'd cautiously begun to hope that this relationship would prove to be deeper, more meaningful than what he'd had with Emily. He'd certainly not been looking for a new romance, but kissing Kat had felt so right, so good …. even though it had been very much a spur-of-the-moment thing, not premeditated at all, he couldn't find it within him to regret having done it. But since their last date, which had been something of a disaster because he'd been particularly depressed and, despite his best intentions had once again pined for his ex-girlfriend, Kat had been strangely silent and withdrawn.
All evening, her smiles had seemed strained, she'd been quiet and subdued, and had refused to let herself be drawn out. Jason had puzzled over it, giving his all to make their dinner date memorable and pleasant, but to no avail. Kat had only picked at her food, barely nipped at her wine and would hardly look at him. Only now, when their waiter had removed their dishes, did she meet the dark eyes of the man opposite her, and that was when Jason knew.
The next instant, Kat confirmed his worst fears.
"I can't see you anymore, Jason," she whispered, her porcelain skin pale in the subdued light. "At least not like before."
"Kat …."
"No, hear me out," she pleaded, touching his hand briefly. Her softly-accented voice was thick with emotion, and it gave Jason a perverse sense of satisfaction to see that at least for Kat, this wasn't as easy as it had apparently been for Emily.
"Jase …. I like you a lot, you're a wonderful, nice guy, and if we'd come together under different circumstances, I think I might have liked being …. more than just your friend," Kat proceeded to explain. "But, as things are …. I just can't."
It hurt to hear her say it, even though he'd steeled himself against it as best he could.
"Why not?" Jason asked hoarsely. It took every bit of control and discipline at his command to stay seated, to let Kat finish, when everything inside of him wanted to howl out his pain like a wounded dog might howl at the moon. If they'd been anywhere else, he knew he'd be pacing. Jason fought down the impulse to grab the lovely blonde and shake some sense into her, to make her take the words back and promise to stay with him. Emily had left him without a real reason; he'd be damned if he let Katherine slip from his life just like that. Never mind that this was only their fourth 'real' date, he didn't want things to end!
Kat blinked several times as if to banish tears; even though she was convinced she was doing the right thing, it was not easy to confront the hurt that had sprung up in the expressive dark eyes, aware that she had caused it. But then, she'd feared it was going to be like this — only, her sense of self-preservation demanded she go through with it, anyway. She wasn't going to make it any harder on both of them by crying, she wasn't! Gulping down the lump in her throat, Kat reached out to lay cool, unsteady fingers on Jason's strong hands, which he'd unconsciously clenched into fists on the checquered tablecloth. Gently, she started to smooth them straight again, like she'd done so often in the past months.
"Jason …. I know you're still hurting over Emily. No, don't try to deny it," she stopped him before he could do more than open his mouth. "I don't mind listening to you vent, or helping you cope — I'm your friend, and that's what friends do. If anything, I'm honored that you trust me enough to help, to share your feelings with me. But — and this is why I have to call things off between us before they go any further — you're still on the rebound. And I've been through all of this once before with Tommy, when Kim broke up with him. I mistook compassion and the desire to help a friend in pain for love, and let myself believe that there was something deeper between us than there actually was. I can't — I won't do that again, because I'll only end up hurting myself."
"You and Tommy were together for years," Jason objected, focussing with difficulty on the immediate thing. "You don't stay with someone, through a long separation, too, if there's nothing real between the people involved!"
Katherine sighed, letting go of his hands and taking a sip of her wine to gain a few precious seconds and marshal her thoughts.
"I never said there was 'nothing' between Tommy and me; there was definitely something. Looking back, I can even say we loved each other — only not the way we thought we did. Rita had compelled me to lure Tommy away from Kim, if I could …. which wasn't a very hard thing to do for me. After all, he's a very good-looking man, very nice, charming …. I never questioned my feelings for him until the end. And I know he was attracted to me, too, when we first met. But he was with Kim then, and I always realized that he would never have acted on that attraction on his own. If we had gotten to know each other normally, run into each other at school or wherever …." Her voice trailed off momentarily. Then, after taking a deep breath, she added, "Who knows what might have happened if Rita hadn't interfered!"
The young woman smiled briefly as she remembered the early days of her stay in Angel Grove, how she'd met the Rangers, and lastly become friends with all of them. Of how it had been to fall in love with a man who wasn't free, then suddenly became available …. for her, it had been a dream come true, in a lot of ways. It was a pity that reality — or maybe just life — hadn't cooperated with her dreams in the long run.
"Anyway, Tommy and I were very lucky that our friendship stayed intact, even though we split up eventually."
That had come as a surprise to everybody, including Kat and the former Red Turbo Ranger himself. They'd stayed in close contact all the time Kat was studying ballet in London, until her return to the US. Their relationship had survived the geographical separation as well as Tommy's racing career, which had ended in an accident that only by sheerest luck had left him, after months of rehab, with no more permanent damage than a few scars; however, it had been the impetus he'd needed to say goodbye to the adrenaline rush of racing and return to his first love — Martial Arts. Jason and Rocky had welcomed their friend with open arms, and the three erstwhile Red Rangers were working well together, hoping to save enough money to one day own the large, popular dojo they were jointly managing.
Kat had gone on to earn a teaching degree, and now split her time working at both AGH and Angel Grove Conservatory, teaching swimming at one and ballet at the other. Strangely enough, once they were living in the same town again, their mundane, quite busy lives kept Tommy and Kat more and more apart, until one day they realized that when they had time for each other they were mostly interacting as just friends — and being very happy about it. Confused, they tried for a while to revive their romance, but the spark just wasn't there anymore, and both decided that they would prefer having a really good, close friend in the other than lose each other completely.
But the experience had left scars on Katherine's heart and soul. For the longest time, she'd believed she had found the man of her life in Tommy. To have to admit she'd lived an illusion for years had been very painful; somehow, irrationally, she felt that she had almost wasted a part of her life. Of course she hadn't, it never was a waste to care for someone, but still …. her dream was to get married and have a family one day; if it couldn't be with Tommy, then with someone else. But, even though it hadn't worked out, her time with the charismatic young man had left her a legacy of very high standards to look for in a partner.
If she was honest, Jason met all of her standards — he possessed intelligence, humor, integrity, a strong sense of right and wrong, the courage to stand up for his convictions …. not to mention extraordinary good looks, dark hair and midnight-colored eyes that were so very expressive — but he was also still hurting over losing his longtime girlfriend. Just like Tommy had when Kim had written him that letter.
*Been there, done that,* Kat thought somewhat bitterly while steeling herself against the pain she could see crossing the handsome face before Jason averted his eyes. He was clearly struggling for words.
"Kat …. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have gone on so about Emily last week, but when she sent my letters back …. I was just so bummed, I -"
"I know, Jason," she interrupted him compassionately. "You don't have to apologize. I understood what you were doing, and I don't blame you for venting; as I said, we're friends, and if you can't unburden yourself to a friend, who then? But, and this is a very big but, it also showed me how much you still care about her."
"I dated her for nearly five years," he almost-snorted. The defensiveness audible in his voice irked, but he couldn't suppress it, either. "I can't just shrug all that time off like an old coat!"
"I'm not asking you to," the blonde assured him. "But please — understand that I've lived through this once already, and I don't think I can do it again. Not if I want to keep myself from getting hurt — again. Maybe that makes me a coward; I don't know. But I won't put my heart on the line if I can't be sure to have my feelings reciprocated." Kat's voice had died down to a whisper, and it was obvious that it pained her to say it, but at the same time her usually gentle face was very determined. She meant what she said.
"I never should have let you kiss me," she added softly.
Jason took his time to reply. When he did, he met her blue eyes openly, not even trying to hide the desperation he was beginning to feel. He couldn't honestly say if he was in love with the lovely Australian or not, but he did know that he didn't want to lose her …. that her presence in his life was maybe the only ray of light he'd seen since the day Emily had dumped him.
"But we did kiss, Kat …. and you enjoyed it, too. I know you too well — you didn't kiss me back just to humor me, or because you felt sorry for me," Jason stated with quiet conviction, reading confirmation in her slight blush. "There is something between us …. and I don't want to lose that. Please — won't you give it a try?"
"I don't think I can, Jason," she demurred. "I need …. more …. than 'something'. I promised myself one thing after Tommy and I broke up — I won't enter another relationship unless I know there's …. well, love, I guess. Affection and attraction just aren't enough for me anymore."
"You're asking for guarantees that it'll last. I'm sorry, Kat, but nobody can give you that."
"I know, but I can ask for reasonable certainty."
For a moment, both ex-Rangers were silent. Then, Katherine summoned a ghost of a smile.
"Jason, please — I don't want to lose you as my friend, and the way I see it, there's nothing more you have to give me right now."
"That's not true," he protested, but even to his own ears, it didn't ring as certain as he wanted it to. Attuned to his moods as she'd become, Kat sighed. A tiny part inside of her had hoped …
"Can you honestly look at me and say you love me — and mean it?" she asked finally, meeting his eyes head-on. "Because that's what I need, Jason. I won't settle for less this time."
The slow blush staining his cheeks and his downcast look gave her his answer.
"I thought not," she murmured, having waited a while for a protest that wasn't forthcoming. A heavy sadness settled over the pair, both feeling very unhappy, neither knowing what to say anymore. "I'm sorry."
Jason didn't reply, just summoned the waiter for their bill. His thoughts were in turmoil, because he knew Kat was absolutely right about his state of mind; he could even see and understand her position, but that didn't prevent panic from starting to creep into his heart. For deep within, a voice was crying out at him to do SOMETHING, anything , to not let her get away like this, to fight for what he was so afraid to lose …. the only question was, how?
~*~
Silently, the two made their way to Kat's small apartment. The weather was nice and summery-warm, even this late in the evening, so they'd walked from her house to the restaurant. Both were deep in thought — Kat about what might have been, and Jason about how he could possibly change her mind, if at all. When they reached the apartment complex's parking lot, where Jason had left his car, she turned towards him with a tiny, brave smile.
"I'll be safe from here; you needn't walk me to the door," she said softly, hating the despondent look on Jason's face and knowing she'd put it there. But she didn't have any other choice, did she?
Jason glanced briefly at her, then his eyes went up to the night sky, where a few stars were twinkling in the darkness. His Adam's apple was bobbing as he swallowed convulsively, but he didn't speak. Kat once more felt tears gathering in her eyes; she fought them down determinedly. Crying wouldn't help. Neither would prolonging the inevitable. Gently, she touched his arm.
"Goodbye, Jason," she murmured, meaning more than just a temporary farewell. She was also saying goodbye to their relationship. That finally let her companion find his voice again.
"No!" Jason exclaimed vehemently, taking her by her shoulders and shaking her just a little. "Kat, I can't! I won't let you go just like this!"
She shook her head sadly, somehow not surprised at his reaction.
"That's not your decision alone to make, Jason," she refused. "I don't want to hurt you, but-"
"Then don't!" Before Kat could say anything else, he let her go abruptly and turned away, visibly gathering his composure. When he had, he swivelled back to face her and drew her lightly against him.
"Kat …. you know me. I'm a fighter, I don't give up easily — not when it's something I believe in. And if I know nothing else, I believe there's more to us than just me wanting someone to make me forget Emily." He forestalled her comment. "Yes, there's that, too — I'm not denying it, but I'm too confused right now to figure it all out. I only know I don't want to lose you."
"I'll still be your friend, Jason," Kat assured him, moved despite herself by his intensity. "Always. Just like the others, you'll always be my friend."
"That's not enough, Kat," he said quietly, handing her own words back to her. "Not anymore."
"Jason …." she sighed exasperatedly. "I told you why I don't think this'll work …"
"Yes – and I respect your point of view, but -"
"Then why won't you let me end this now, today, before we end up hurting each other?" she interrupted him.
"Because I can't. Won't. Kat … you've taken me totally by surprise; can't you at least give me some time to think about this?"
"I'm not going to change my mind on this, Jason," the Australian warned him, silencing that small distant voice in her mind that whispered, Why not? What would it hurt? *My heart,* she answered herself, hardening herself against the longing and hope in the dark eyes.
"Please, Kat — all I'm asking for is a chance," he pleaded, thinking frantically. Seemingly out of nowhere, a vague idea began to form. "You told me you have this weekend off; I can probably rearrange my schedule to match. It's only two days — why can't you give me these two days to let me try and show you what's between us? Why I think 'us' can work?"
"It'll only drag out the end unnecessarily, Jason," she objected. "I can't think of a single thing you might say or do this weekend that you couldn't say right now — and my answer would still be the same!"
Jason released her and took a few steps away, clearly searching for control. He swept a hand through his short dark hair, a gesture that showed Kat clearly how upset he was. Tommy had used to rub the back of his neck every time he'd been nervous, or agitated; Jason usually didn't show his state of mind like that unless he was seriously rattled. *Well,* she had to admit to herself, *he has a reason.*
A few crickets were singing in the bushes enclosing the parking lot, and the faint rush of cars passing by could be heard; otherwise, the night air was silent around them. Only the beat of their hearts seemed loud enough to be heard, but of course it wasn't. After several long, tense moments, during which neither moved or said anything, Jason looked at Kat again.
"Two days, Kat. This weekend. That's all I'm asking of you. If I can't convince you to change your mind by Sunday night, I'll accept just being friends with you." *For now,* he silently vowed to himself, not looking deeper into the reasons just WHY it was so important to him all of a sudden. Only hours ago he'd been content to drift into a pleasant relationship with the pretty blonde standing merely a few feet away, when that had been about the furthest thing from his mind after Emily had left him.
"You've never given up on the really important things without a fight, either. And I believe that this is important. Please, Kat. Give me — give us this chance. Don't just throw everything away. If you still think that we won't work out come Sunday, I won't object to whatever limits you place on our relationship. I promise."
Jason meant every word, Kat could see that as clearly as if it had been written in neon letters against the night sky. And even though she'd promised herself when she'd decided to call it off between them that she wouldn't be swayed, that for once she'd place her own needs before those of a friend, something in Jason's eyes, in his voice, spoke to her more loudly than his intense little speech. She could feel herself starting to reconsider.
Jason read the hesitancy in her crystal eyes. Scarcely daring to hope, he embraced her lightly and gently touched her cheek, letting his fingertips trail from her temple down to her chin, the gesture almost, but not quite, a caress.
"Please, Kat. Two days, a chance …. nothing more. I promise," he repeated, his low voice a soft rumble in the darkness.
Kat closed her eyes briefly and drew in a deep, shuddering breath. She was wavering, much to her chagrin. When she looked back into the so-dark orbs, she couldn't help a slight headshake. When was she going to be immune against the puppy-dog expression all of her former male teammates seemed to have perfected without knowing it? Even Billy had used it on occasion, and none of the girls had ever been able to resist. *Probably the day I die,* she thought with a wry inner chuckle.
"This is against my better judgment, Jason," she sighed resignedly at last, but the expression of gratitude and relief lighting up his face was worth giving in to his persuasion. Almost. She braced herself against the exuberant hug she was sure was going to follow, but it never came. To Kat's surprise, all Jason permitted himself was a warm, thankful smile, a brief tightening of the grasp he still had on her waist and a new touch of his hand to her cheek.
"Thank you, Kat. You won't regret this," he murmured.
"I hope not," she said quietly, then disentangled herself. "Very well. I'll see you on Saturday, then."
"Yeah," Jason answered. For a second, it looked as if he was going to kiss her goodnight after all, but then he just took a small step backwards. Kat fought down the rush of disappointment and the sudden impulse to kiss him — but no, now even a chaste peck on the cheek would be too much. Instead, she settled for a neutral smile.
"Goodnight, Jase," she whispered, the nickname flowing easily from her lips.
"Goodnight, Kat," he replied just as softly, then watched her go, not climbing into his car until the door to her building had safely closed behind her.
~*~
Kat prepared for bed, her mind in turmoil. Had she done the right thing, acceding to Jason's request to give him a chance? Part of her said yes, it was only fair, but another, very vocal portion of her brain told her she was being a fool — just opening herself up for further heartache and disillusionment. Still, she'd given him her word, sort of, and just as she knew Jason would keep his promise to her, so would she keep hers to him. Slipping under the covers, she turned off the light, wondering what kind of elaborate method of persuasion Jason would likely come up with to change her mind. Not that extravangance or the spending of lots of money was going to influence her decision, but if she was honest …. she would enjoy two days of pampering and having every wish fulfilled as soon as she could voice it.
With a wistful smile that was also the tiniest bit smug, Katherine drifted off to sleep.
Across town, Jason was thinking a lot of the same thoughts as he climbed the steps to the garage apartment his parents had fixed for him for his 21st birthday. His own realm, with a lot of the comforts of almost/still living at home (although he tried not to abuse his mother's well-meant generosity), but with the opportunity to be as self-sufficient as possible. He let himself inside the sparsely but comfortably furnished room. Picking up a can of beer from the fridge, he then settled on the couch, staring into the darkness as he racked his brain for a way to show Kat that they could be good together as a couple.
He slowly sipped his drink as he thought about the evening's conversation. Jason had never stopped to examine his feelings for his former teammate too closely; sure, he'd always liked and admired Kat, and he truly and honestly appreciated all the support and help she'd given him after Emily left. Talking to his best friend was cathartic, too, but having a woman listen to his woes was subtly different — and somehow had better suited his needs. While Tommy would and could understand his sense of inadequacy, of having failed as a man somehow, having gone through much the same thing with Kimberly, Jason had greatly valued the wordless hugs, small touches and understanding smiles Kat had gifted him with; her very femininity gave that much more credence to her conviction that it was not all his fault, that he had done what he could to sustain his relationship with his ex-girlfriend.
Jason put his feet up on the sturdy coffee table and slouched into the pillows as he pondered what he did feel for Kat. Just because she'd been a good friend was no basis to build something deeper on, she was right about that, at least. It had never been his intention to kiss her, but a walk in the park had lasted well into the sunset; the air had been rather nippy for once after two days of rain, and it had seemed the most natural thing in the world to drape an arm around his friend's shoulders as he escorted Kat home. Nor had she objected; instead, she'd snuggled into his side, slipping an arm around his waist as they walked the streets of their home town. In the beginning, Emily had liked to walk with him like this, but Kat was taller, not so petite …. the difference was startling and pleasing at the same time.
He'd brought her to her apartment door; the soft light from a lamp she'd left burning had cast a muted glow over her lovely features as she'd turned to him in the quiet hallway to bid him goodnight. The impulse came out of nowhere; Jason truly hadn't planned to kiss Kat, but her eyes had looked at him so warmly, her lips had smiled so invitingly …. it had been the most natural thing in the world to bend down the few inches separating his mouth from hers and touch her in a gentle caress.
She hadn't withdrawn, or recoiled or anything; after the first surprise had worn off, Kat had become pliant in his arms, and they had kissed for a long time, learning of each other until they'd both been slightly out of breath. And for the first time in weeks, Jason had forgotten all about Emily.
That was why it was so important for Jason not to lose Kat. He felt …. whole …. when he held her. Only, how could he convince her of that without seeming just to take? He needed to show her that he could give to her as well – and that most definitely went beyond flowers or costly presents.
His beer was long finished and the night far gone, and still Jason thought, made and discarded plans until his eyes drifted nearly shut with fatigue and he stumbled off to bed for a few hours of rest, his dreams filled with visions of a beautiful blue-eyed blonde …. whose golden locks gradually took on a more silvery hue, her person changing from a spirited imp into a gentle-eyed ballerina.
In his sleep, Jason smiled.
~*~
"I need the weekend off," Jason announced without preamble the next day when he met with Tommy and Rocky half an hour after classes were over at their dojo. It had become their habit to gather each day to discuss schedules, special events, student performances and anything that had come up, outside of the pure business/managerial meetings they held once each month.
"Oh? Anything special come up?" Tommy asked idly as he lounged at his desk. Jason grinned a bit sheepishly and shrugged.
"You could say that. Can I? Please guys, this is really important; I wouldn't put you on the spot like this on short notice if it weren't." He gazed pleadingly at his friends and colleagues.
"It's not gonna be easy, Jase," Rocky warned, looking up from his notes. He angled for a calendar, thinking out loud as he looked over their schedule. "I suppose we can split your Saturday morning classes between us, and if we can get someone else to take the peewees in the afternoon …. "
Jason already had thought of a possible solution.
"What about David?"
Two pairs of brown eyes swept towards Tommy for approval. He shrugged.
"I can ask him; usually he has no special plans on Saturdays. And he likes working with the kids on occasion. It should work."
"Thanks, guys. Um …. what about Sunday, though?" the first Red Ranger asked diffidently. "I know Rocky can't do mornings …. what about you, Tom?"
"Just this once," the long-haired young man agreed with a grin. "But you're gonna owe me, Bro!" Jason just nodded, then looked imploringly at Rocky. "My ladies' afternoon class?"
The erstwhile successor to the Red Thunder Powers shook his head.
"Sorry, Jase. Any other week, but not this Sunday. It's the anniversary of my dad's dying day, and Mama always goes a little crazy then. It's not so bad when all of us are home with her, so …."
It was a valid reason, and Jason neither could nor would try to persuade Rocky to alter his plans just to accommodate him. All of them had gotten to know and like Sophia DeSantos in the years since she'd moved to Angel Grove; the feisty Mexican-American woman had taken all of the Rangers under her wings indiscriminately, mothering them mercilessly along with her own brood of children. It didn't matter if they had parents or not, Mama Sophia, as she insisted everybody call her, scolded and encouraged and pressured and hugged every one of Rocky's friends, male or female alike, and there had been times when every single one of them had sought her advice rather than their own mothers' …. and had been given it from a large, warm heart. To deprive her of any kind of comfort was unthinkable.
Still, Jason couldn't quite hide his disappointed slump. "Never mind, then. I'll manage somehow. Damn, I'd hoped to get both days off," he muttered, knowing that his friends wouldn't mind if he vented his frustration a bit.
"Any special reason?" Tommy asked again, wandering over with a fresh pot of coffee and filling everybody's mug.
"Actually, yes," Jason said, absently adding a dash of cream to his cup. He perched on the windowsill, facing the office and his friends, but not really seeing either of them, he was so far away mentally. "I need to convince Kat to continue dating me."
Rocky did a classic double-take while Tommy nearly let go of the carafe he still held. It clattered noisily onto the small sideboard where they kept the coffee tray and supplies, but neither young man took notice. Instead, they focussed intently on Jason.
"What?!?" Rocky sputtered at last, once he'd gotten over his shock. A quick glance had shown him that that was news to Tommy as well.
"I didn't even know you and Kat were dating," Tommy said carefully. He knew how hard his best friend had taken Emily's departure, and that Katherine had spent a lot of time helping Jason overcome his depression, but …. dating? As in, fallen-in-love-and-kiss? He didn't quite know how to react.
Jason glanced sheepishly at Tommy. "It's, um, a fairly recent thing," he confessed.
"How recent?" Rocky wanted to know, eyes alight with curiosity.
"Very. As in, two weeks," Jason mumbled, blushing slightly.
"And she wants to dump you already?!? Boy, you must've screwed up big time," Rocky said with his customary lack of tact. "What did you do, call her 'Emily' when you kissed her?"
"Of course not!" The very thought was abhorrent. Not even in his darkest moments had Jason ever mistaken the identity of his golden-haired friend.
"Rocky!" Tommy chided, but couldn't help a faint blush himself. That very thing had happened to him once or twice in the early days of his relationship with Kimberly's successor, and he knew he'd hurt Kat deeply with his absent-mindedness. He still thanked his lucky stars that she'd been able to forgive him. If Jason had done it to her again …. but no, the near-black eyes showed only righteous indignation at Rocky's not-quite-serious accusation. Besides, Jason had too much control for that.
"What did you do, then?" he asked, failing to come up with any explanation that was even remotely likely. Neither Kat nor Jason were the type to have short-term relationships; if anything at all had happened between them, it must've been pretty serious for both.
"Would you believe nothing?" Jason said with a wry grin. Tommy regarded his best friend seriously for a moment, ignoring Rocky's doubtful snort.
"Knowing you as well as I do, yes," he answered finally. "And knowing Kat, no."
"Oh, that's clear," Rocky scoffed, but Jason only shrugged helplessly, acknowledging Tommy's right to make that statement.
"No, really. I didn't do anything — at least, not to anger her or hurt her or something of the sort."
"Then why the hell would Kat want to break up with you — especially if it's only been such a short time since you guys have gotten close? That's not like her," Tommy wanted to know. Now that he was over his initial surprise, he found it not at all hard to wrap his mind around the concept of Jason and Kat as a couple. As a matter of fact, he was already beginning to like the idea. Both meant a lot to him, and he wished them happiness — if they were right for each other. And knowing them as well as he did, Tommy thought they could be …. he resolved then and there to do everything in his power to help them. He sat forward, listening intently to what his best friend had to say.
Jason hesitated for a moment — should he be talking about his problems? A part of him balked at the loss of privacy telling them about his problems would entail. But then, Rocky and Tommy were his friends; they'd listened to him before, and if he couldn't unload to them, where was he supposed to go? A single look was enough to show him that they wouldn't condemn him. With a deep sigh that seemed to come from the soles of his feet, he told them about last night's dinner and Kat's reasoning for calling things off.
"I managed to persuade Kat to give me one last chance to convince her I'm serious about her," Jason concluded. "I have two days — this weekend. After that …. I gave her my word I wouldn't try to hold her if she really wants to end it between us."
Rcky whistled through his teeth; Jason had a monumental task before him.
"You sure got a problem, man," he commiserated with vast understatement.
"I know," Jason sighed, staring into his empty coffee mug. The three young men were silent for a few minutes, each lost in his own thoughts. Then, Tommy fixed his best friend with serious eyes.
"Jase?"
"Yeah?"
Tommy inhaled deeply; this was going to be a very personal question, but he felt he had to ask it, anyway — because he cared about both Jason and Kat.
"You said you want to show Kat you're serious about her," he began hesitantly. "Bro, I'm not trying to pry, but …. are you? For herself, not just because you need what she can give you? And if you are, exactly how serious is 'serious'?"
Jason took his time answering. It was something he'd wrestled with through his musings last night, and while he hadn't found a clear-cut answer yet, at least he'd found part of one. He met Tommy's concerned gaze fully.
"If you want to know if I'm in love with Kat …. I don't know. Not yet, maybe. I do know I'd like to be …. and I'm pretty sure that if she'll give me that chance, I'll get there. With her help."
"Not exactly the most romantic attitude," Rocky commented. "Most girls expect something else."
"I know. But you know how long Kat and I have been just friends; I'm not going to insult her by pretending that I suddenly woke up one morning and found myself head over heels in love with her. No, if anything, I'm …. I'm learning to care for her more deeply than before, the better I get to know her," Jason explained. Tommy shook his head.
"That's exactly what happened to me — and Kat knows it," he said. "Look how we turned out. Can you blame her for wanting more this time?"
"No, but I'm gonna kick myself forever if I don't at least try!"
~*~
Over the next few days, Jason researched every bit of information about activities, special events and leisure facilities he could think of. He nearly ransacked the Stone County Tourist Information Office, coming away with a sackful of brochures, booklets and leaflets. Both local newspaper switchboards nearly turned down his repeated calls for news, and he'd spent hours on his free Wednesday afternoon searching the internet for things to do this coming weekend. As a result, he now knew probably more about recreational things than Mayor Carrington and her colleague from Stone Canyon combined.
The Multiplex and various other, smaller movie theaters, showing everything from foreign language films to a silent movie revival, he rejected out of hand. Some addresses might be worth looking into later, but taking Kat to the movies simply wasn't special enough.
Sports and games were equally out of the question; Kat would willingly go along with the gang, but her real interests lay with diving and swimming events, having been a serious Pan-Global hopeful herself once, and there were none scheduled right now. And while Jason was keenly interested in a lot of sports and loved watching not only pro performances but amateurs as well, this was about Kat, not him, so he put that stack of brochures and newspaper clippings away, too.
Art and crafts exhibitions and fairs might be nice and interesting to the lovely blonde, but generally bored Jason to tears; he enjoyed rambling along for an hour or two, willingly carrying packages and shopping bags, but he couldn't afford to antagonize Kat by letting her see his indifference. Another venue was discarded.
Which left two handfuls of brochures from various restaurants, clubs, theaters, concerts and the like. Some of the advertised events were out of date already, others would take place too late; from the rest, Jason removed those he detested or knew Kat couldn't stand, reducing the opportunities even further. He sighed as he surveyed the selection he was left with. Taking Kat to a fancy dinner was one possibility, but it would only take a few hours one evening at best, and he was really looking for something to do during the whole two days she'd granted him. He glanced a bit wistfully at the colorful prospectuses from places farther away; the bigger cities within reach, from Las Vegas to Los Angeles, naturally offered a far greater range of activities, as did the tourist attractions in various well-known areas, but Jason seriously doubted Kat would agree to an overnight trip; a lot were simply too far away to make the trip back and forth on one day feasible, and many of them plainly were out of his budget.
"Wish I could take you on one of these, Kat," he murmured to himself, thumbing through a booklet advertising a leisurely cruise across San Francisco Bay. It didn't sound like much and certainly wasn't anything fancy, but there'd be landfalls at several interesting spots, shipboard activities, a black-tie dinner and dancing, but at $350 per person for even the simplest cabin — and that was assuming Kat would even consent to sharing one with him in the most innocent way — it was totally over his means. Jason was living comfortably on what he made at the dojo, had sufficient medical insurance and could afford a good car and his own apartment — he refused to live rent-free although his folks would've been more than willing to waive the cost — but he could not allow himself to splurge like this on pure indulgence. Not even to persuade his pretty friend to take one last chance on him.
On Friday evening, Jason still was no closer to a solution of what he was going to do to change Kat's mind; Rocky and Tommy had tried to help, but he'd rejected a lot of their suggestions out of hand. Flowers were nice, and he knew Kat loved them, but it wasn't special enough. Giving Kat jewellery was out of the question for more than one reason — really good quality again was out of his budget, Jason most certainly didn't want to buy trash, and besides, their relationship simply hadn't developed that far yet. If he ever managed to gain her love, it would be another matter, but it was not an option now.
Just yesterday, Tommy had come across an ad for a famous ballet company who were touring California; the performance was in Los Angeles, but that wouldn't be too much of a problem. Eagerly, Jason had called the number provided during lunch break, only to find out that the event was nearly sold out …. and the few VIP packages left over were WAY too expensive. Disheartened, Jason ate a solitary dinner. What was he going to do? He simply couldn't afford a lot of things, not if he didn't want to dip into his savings and thereby possibly jeopardizing his professional future with his friends. And when he'd tried to get some advice from his mother, in very oblique terms, her remark that she'd always loved his home-made presents the most hadn't been very helpful. He doubted drawing a card or hammering together a doorstopper would impress Kat much.
However, it set him to thinking in a new direction.
Helen Scott always maintained that money wasn't the important thing in a gift, but the thought and care for the presentee that went into it. "You can't buy love," was her motto, even today, and Jason knew that a gift bought at a bargain counter was as much appreciated as a brand name item …. so long as he bought to delight somebody else, not to make himself look good.
The sports news were on, but Jason hardly heard the results. He was too busy recalling what the lovely blonde liked most …. what she had mentioned enjoying …. guessing at what her expectations might be. It helped that they had been friends for several years, and slowly, very slowly an idea began to form in his mind. It was crazy, it was not at all what he wished to do, it would most certainly totally confuse Kat …. but he was getting desperate, and it might just be unusual enough to catch her interest.
*I'll do it,* he decided at last. *I just hope I won't be making the biggest mistake of my life!*
Long after he'd gone to bed, Jason was still praying that his plan would work as he stared into the darkness, waiting for the dawn.
~*~
Saturday
Kat woke up to the insistent ringing of her doorbell. Disoriented and more than half-asleep, she stumbled out of bed and to her door, pressing the release without thinking. Pushing her dishevelled hair out of her eyes, she managed to retain just enough presence of mind to peek through the spy hole before opening the door, but was thoroughly confused when it wasn't the mailman, a delivery person or the building's janitor, but Jason bounding up the stairs, a bakery carton and various shopping bags in his hands. He grinned and winked at her door as if he knew she was standing on the other side.
Yawning hugely, Kat fumbled for the keys she'd left in the lock.
"Jase? What are you doing here?" she mumbled around another yawn as she squinted through the narrow gap left by the safety chain.
"Bringing breakfast," he announced cheerfully, dark eyes sparkling even in the dim hallway. "May I come in?"
"I …. I'm not even dressed yet," Kat protested half-heartedly, slowly coming awake. The aroma of freshly-baked croissants from the box he held tantalized her nostrils.
"I promise not to look," Jason coaxed, hiding his smile. "Please, Kat? I've been up for an hour already, and I'm starving!"
Shaking herself, grumbling under her breath about friends with decidedly inhuman habits, she opened the last couple of security devices and let him in. Jason stepped into the neat apartment and watched until Kat had closed the door again, then waited politely for her to precede him into her small kitchen. He suppressed a grin as he took in her appearance – the roomy, shapeless pyjama top in inch-wide pink candystripes, her sleep-tousled hair, the pillow creases on one rosy cheek and her bare feet (he loved the bright-pink nails!) which she was alternately rubbing against her calves, to protect them from the cool tiles. He deposited his bakery box on the small kitchen table and began to unpack the other goodies he'd brought, watching Kat out of the corner of his eyes. Jason thought she looked absolutely adorable …. even when she caught sight of the time and turned towards him with a scowl.
"Jason, it's barely 8am! It's Saturday! The one day of the week I can sleep in, and …. what are you doing here, anyway? Besides buying me pastries I shouldn't be eating in the first place?" Even while she was scolding him, she opened the box, broke off a corner from the Danish on top and started to nibble at the flaky, buttery morsel. He laughed at the expression crossing her face, a funny mixture of caloric guilt and tastebud bliss as she licked the crumbs daintily off her fingertips. Kat scowled again, but after a second joined him.
"You're impossible!"
Still chuckling, Jason snagged her around the waist, hauled her towards him and planted a teasing kiss on her nose, then turned Kat around and gave her a playful swat on her shapely rear.
"If you say so. Now go get showered and dressed while I make breakfast. Coffee or tea?"
Kat automatically answered "Tea" and took a couple of steps towards her bedroom, when she stopped in her tracks. Jason had never behaved exactly like this towards her; sure, they'd been friends for years, ever since his return from Europe, he'd even been to her apartment before, but despite their growing closeness recently, they had yet to achieve the kind of …. of intimate casualness he was displaying now. Or so she'd thought.
"Wait a minute. What is this all about, anyway?" It had to have to do with his intention of making her change her mind about breaking up. Try as she might, she couldn't suppress a small shiver of expectation skittering over her skin. *I wonder what he has planned …. hopefully, something nice!* She would've been less than Human if that thought hadn't exhilarated her just a little.
Suddenly serious, Jason stopped arranging the breakfast things and took the young woman by her shoulders, holding her close but not quite embracing her. His eyes looked deeply into the crystal orbs, willing her to listen, to understand.
"Kat …. you promised me this weekend, and I think I may have found a way to show you why I was so insistent about it. Having breakfast with you is just one of the things I wanted to do."
"I thought as much, but-"
He interrupted her gently, but firmly.
"Kat, I'm not going to tell you what my plans are for today and tomorrow; sorry. I give you my word it won't involve anything embarrassing or strenuous or dangerous or whatever, it doesn't require any special preparations on your part, but …. but I need you not to ask any questions about what we're doing. I want you just to go along with me. Can you give me that? Can you …. well, trust me that much?"
"Of course I can. I always trusted you, Jase," she answered sincerely. The relieved smile and grateful look warming his eyes were more than enough reward. "But …. what if I really don't like to do some of the things you've planned?" Kat asked a bit warily, not yet committing herself. Sometimes, her notions of embarrassing or dangerous didn't quite agree with Jason's — or any of the guys', really. She needn't have worried.
"Then all you have to say is no, and we'll take it from there," Jason replied promptly and reassuringly. "I want you — no, I want us to have fun this weekend, in all senses of the word. Nothing more, nothing less. Bringing you breakfast is only the first step."
She tilted her head and looked at her would-be boyfriend for a long minute before she let a slow, impish smile curve her lips.
"You promise not to drag me rock-climbing, skydiving, bungee-jumping or whitewater-rafting? Not to some obscure sporting event nobody has ever heard of, or make me listen to some perfectly awful local band?"
Jason laughed and lifted his right hand. "Scout's Honor!" Then, he sobered again. "If you still have questions, I'll explain everything tomorrow night, Kat. My word on it. Just let me show you …." He abruptly closed his mouth, making it clear he wasn't going to elaborate further. By now, though, Katherine was thoroughly intrigued. This was a side of Jason she hadn't seen before, at least not quite like that. The playfulness, the mystery …. and the fresh croissants …. were nigh irresistible. With an inward shrug, knowing that she could indeed trust him, she decided to embark on the adventure he was offering her.
"In that case …. I guess I better hurry, don't I?"
Heaving a relieved sigh, wiping imaginary sweat off his brow with a melodramatic gesture that set Kat to giggling uncontrollably, Jason shooed her off.
"Yes. Go on, get outta here — let a man make breakfast in peace!"
"Right," Kat laughed, and left the kitchen. Jason was just filling the coffeemaker at the sink, when she poked her head back through the door.
"I'll take my egg soft-boiled — and don't burn the water!"
Jason picked up a sponge and threatened to throw it at her, his ferocious frown completely spoiled by his broad grin, and giggling to herself, the blonde scooted off towards her shower.
~*~
Her egg was done to perfection, and Kat licked her spoon clean with an expression of little-girl relish and delight that made Jason chuckle audibly. She glared at him for a second, then had to laugh, too.
"Don't say it!" she warned.
"Who, me?" he protested, with an oh-so-innocent expression Kat didn't buy for a minute. "I didn't say anything!"
"But you thought it."
"Did not."
"Yes, you did."
"Not."
"Too!"
"No, honest!"
"Jason Scott, don't you try to deny it …."
Jason couldn't help himself, he started to laugh outright.
"Deny what? Kat — can you tell me exactly what you thought I thought? Because I think I somehow sorta lost track of this conversation …."
The blonde dancer looked up at her companion over the rim of her teacup, blue eyes going wide as she replayed their exchange in her mind. Then she, too, broke into laughter.
"Oh no …. is it my imagination, or did we sound like a couple of grade schoolers just now?"
He winked at her as he poured the last of the coffee into his mug and refilled her tea. "Grade schoolers, or Rocky. Take your pick."
Kat giggled. "That's so mean! I thought he's your friend?"
"He is, but that doesn't mean I can't see his little quirks for what they are," Jason smiled. "Must be having all those siblings."
"Uh huh. Sure. And what's your excuse?" she teased.
"I need an excuse? For what?"
"I don't know; you tell me."
"Nooooo idea," Jason declared with vast insincerity, swiftly stacking their dishes now that they were both finished with breakfast. The two bantered and teased through cleanup and were in high spirits when they'd cleared everything away. Kat rinsed the cups and left them on a rack to dry, then turned to her companion with shining eyes.
"What now? I know I promised you not to ask any questions, but surely I'm entitled to know what your immediate plans are?"
Jason dug a small cardboard box out of one of the bags he'd brought and dropped it into Kat's palm.
"I thought …. before anything else, I'd take care of this."
Bewildered, Kat looked at the strangely-shaped metallic objects inside.
"And what exactly is 'this'?"
He grinned. "The spark plugs Tommy got for your car two weeks ago and hasn't gotten around yet to replacing. I filched them from his desk before I came here."
"Jason -" Kat started, a dubious expression on her lovely face. He interpreted it correctly.
"Hey, I may not have Tommy's way with cars, but I do know how to replace plugs. Don't worry."
She regarded him silently for a minute, then shrugged. *Why the heck not?*
"Okay. While you're at it, I might as well clear out the trunk. I still have some stuff in there from our last recital …."
~*~
Somehow or other, Jason not only exchanged the spark plugs, but also checked and refilled oil, water and window cleaner in her car while Kat was removing lots of small débris and junk from her car. She ended up giving the interior a thorough all-over cleaning. When she crawled out of the backseat at last, having polished the windows and brushed the seats within an inch of their lives, Jason had already started on his own vehicle, which was parked right next to hers. Without comment, Kat tackled the inside of his Jeep Cherokee as well, keeping up a steady stream of mock-insults about the things she found under the seats and in out-of-the-way corners — especially about the two big duffle bags with dirty laundry which tended to spill over if moved. Jason gave as good as he got, though, and both young people were breathless with laughter when both cars were finally spotless.
Throwing the oily rag he'd used to wipe down a few lines into a trash can, Jason surveyed the cars, then looked consideringly at Kat. She grinned back at him.
"What?"
"Well," he drawled, "we might as well take our cars to 'Mr. Wash' and clean the outside as well. It'd be a shame to stop now that we're halfway done. Whaddaya think?"
"I think you're crazy, but why not?" Kat agreed, then led him back to her apartment. Jason disappeared in the bathroom with an old shirt and shorts he'd pulled out of the laundry in his car and Kat swiftly rummaged in a far corner of her closet. Five minutes later, both emerged, dressed now in rather ratty-looking shorts and t-shirts; the only difference being that Kat's clothes weren't wrinkled and somewhat smelly as well.
She scrunched her nose up cutely, plucking gingerly at a ripped-off sleeve.
"Not exactly what I'd call dressing up for a date, Mr. Scott," she teased.
Jason naughtily poked at a purple juice stain right in the middle of her belly that had never washed out.
"Why, Ms. Hillard, I'm only trying to match your impeccable fashion expertise!"
Kat swatted half-heartedly at his finger, but had to laugh. Slipping on an old pair of flip-flops, she grabbed her keys and gestured Jason towards the door.
"At least nobody can accuse us of being inappropriately dressed."
"There's a dress code for washing cars?" Jason asked innocently as he waited for her to lock the door.
"Sure. Didn't you know?" The blonde gave him a very prim, school-marmish look that had her friend laughing so hard he could hardly put the key into the ignition before they drove off towards the car-washing facility.
~*~
They returned after two hours, both still in high spirits …. and thoroughly soaked.
"I really ought to do my laundry today," she remarked, glancing at her dust-streaked shirt and the oil stains on her shorts. "We might as well throw my things in with yours and get it all done together."
"Sure, why not?" Jason replied casually, hiding his delight that she was so nicely playing along with his plans — if unknowingly. "We can do that after lunch. — Can I use your bathroom again to get changed?"
In answer, Kat just threw a dark purple towel at Jason, who caught it deftly and disappeared in the small bath again. She walked to her closet, stripped off her sodden shirt and shorts and put on a robe, all set to change places with him, when he came back out, dressed once more in his lightweight jeans and a near-black polo shirt. Just as Kat was about to pass him, Jason stopped her.
"Why don't I pick up some lunch while you dry your hair?" he asked with a smile. "We can eat here, if you don't mind."
"I don't, but you don't have to buy anything," Kat protested. "You already brought breakfast; I can probably whip something up for us …."
"It's fine," he soothed. "I don't want you to exert yourself too much, but if you insist, we can think of what to do for dinner. Together," Jason grinned. "Meanwhile …. can I take your keys, please? I'll be back soon."
Sighing only half seriously, she gave in. "Okay." Shaking her head at the jaunty salute he threw her, Kat then chose a fresh t-shirt and plugged in her hair dryer. Running a hand through the limp strands framing her face, she decided she might just have time enough for a second shower, if she hurried.
Kat was fastening a barrette in her freshly-washed and dry hair when she heard Jason letting himself in. *Perfect timing!* she thought, stepping into her sandals and ambling towards the kitchen, curious as to what Jason had brought for lunch. While in the shower, she'd reflected on the strange turn her morning had taken; cleaning and washing two cars certainly had not been among the scenarios she'd envisioned. But it had been fun, she would've needed to do it soon, anyway, and thus she dismissed it from her mind.
Her heart sank a little when she saw upon entering the kitchen that Jason was unloading bags from a well-known local fast-food restaurant. Not that she was completely against fast food on occasion, but there were much healthier ways of eating, and when she was to calculate all the empty calories …. especially after the rich breakfast she'd had ….
*Don't even think about it! He meant well, I'm sure.*
To her surprise, though, what emerged from the bags and boxes were