CHAPTER FIVE

"Alpha 7," Andros called, bringing the short Alpha android shuffling toward the pilot's console. "I'm setting the ship on autopilot. We've got a course set for the moon. We'll be settling in a quadrant just outside it's atmosphere, so that we can avoid detection. There's no doubt Venjix has set up sensors of every kind to avoid interference."

The android nodded. "Very well then Andros. And please, just call me Alpha."

Andros almost smiled.  It was difficult to simply call the robot 'Alpha', as he'd once called another android that name. "Sorry Alpha."

The robot nodded its domed head, and then turned for the bridge exit. "Now, let's see if those maintenance bots have tidied up the eatery yet. La de dee de dee…"

Andros shook his head, a bit bewildered by a robot that hummed.

He stepped down from the pilot's console, enjoying a moment of peace and quiet aboard his brand new ship. The Astro Megaship Mark II still had that metallic "fresh off the yards" smell, as was common for a craft on its maiden voyage. Though Andros imagined it would be gone by the time it returned to KO-35.

If it returned to KO-35…

"D.E.C.A.," he said aloud to the ship's computer, which was linked to an voice-activated intercom. "Status report."

The female programmed voice responded  instantly. "The rear port stabilizer is still holding. All other systems are currently operational."

Andros sighed. That stabilizer had suddenly gone from green to orange on the trip from the moon to the spaceport. It wasn't often that the technicians back home installed faulty stabilizers, or faulty anything for that matter. He'd already made a mental note to speak to someone about it the next chance he got.

"D.E.C.A.,"

Andros jumped at the sound of a new, yet familiar voice in the room. "Continue monitoring progression of both rear stabilizers, and continue with hourly updates."

It was him.

"You're not losing your touch, are you Captain Kirk?"

"I was going to do that in a minute." Andros replied turning away from the visitor, pretending to fidget with one of the monitors.

T.J. shook his head. "You know, you can pass off some of these jobs to me if you want. No reason you should have to hold the entire ship together by yourself when you've got an experienced shipmate on board."

For a moment, Andros' mind clicked back to the days when T.J. had been the Blue Space Ranger, and his unofficial second in command on the original Astro Megaship. They'd had so many great times together, traveling the universe, fighting as a team along with Zhane, Carlos, Cassie…

…and Ashley.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

T.J. frowned, surprised. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yes, I've got an Alpha android helping me. You should just relax before we get there."

T.J. sat down in the Captains seat, as Andros continued to avoid eye contact with him. "So…how've you been old buddy? It's been a long time."

"Yeah…I guess it has."

The other man smiled. "You know, it wouldn't have killed you to swing by home once and awhile. We've missed you."

Andros' brown eyes glanced over to his old friend.  "I go back to KO-35 every once and awhile."

T.J. rolled his eyes "You know that's not what I mean."

"Oh."

"Andros, listen-"

"So…how are things on Earth?" he interrupted.  It wasn't as much a question, as an attempt to change the subject. 

Although, deep down, part of him was curious…

T.J. sighed, trying not to let his frustration show. "They're good. Carlos is hoping to get a spot in the pros. You should see him on that soccer field, he's incredible."

"That's good."

"Cassie's trying to strike up a deal with an agent, you know, get her singing career off the ground."

He still wouldn't look T.J. in the face.  A series of long, strenuous seconds passed.

"Oh," T.J. finally said. "And Ashley's doing good too.  She's in law school right now. You know, she never mentioned anything about being a lawyer, but now that she's in that school, she'll argue with you about anything."

Andros' blood bubbled.  He'd been afraid of this…

"She…she still talks about you sometimes." he continued.  Something in his voice suggested it wasn't easy for him either.  "She goes on the occasional date, but hasn't really had a serious man in her life since…well, you know."

Leaning against the wall, pretending to fidget with one of the panels, Andros' teeth began to grind.

Leaning back in the Captain's seat, T.J. crossed his arms nonchalantly.  "The four of us have started talking a lot more.  Whenever Ashley gets back from one of those dates, she always tells us about them.  But somehow, it always comes back to you."

He struggled to fight back the tears itching at the back of his eyes.

"Why that is I don't know.  I guess she just never really forgot about you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

Andros turned his bloodshot eyes back at T.J..  "I said, why are you doing this?"

T.J. stood up in his seat, and leaned against the console.  "Because it's something that needs to be discussed.  Not just with me, but with everybody."

The Kerovan exhaled, the air hissing between his teeth.  "You should mind your own business T.J.."

"Do you ever miss her?"

The muscles in his face tightened. "I said, mind-"

"Andros," he interrupted.  "It's nothing to be ashamed of. We all could see how much you loved her."

With that, the Kerovan burst away from the wall, and  made his way for the viewport, still not looking at T.J.. For a moment, he let the statement hang…

"What has that got to do with anything?"

T.J. shrugged "It's just a simple question. Do you, or don't you?"

Staring out into the blackness of space, Andros' hands clenched around the edges of the window.  He could feel the it burning in the pit of his belly.  Slowly but surely, his emotional shell was cracking.  He could feel it like a blade pushing itself through his sternum…

Finally, he turned to look at his friend. "Every day."

As tears began to stream down Andros' face, T.J. touched him on the shoulder. "Hey," he said, trying to act surprised. "What's wrong buddy?"

He jerked his shoulder away from T.J.'s hand. "Don't act like you don't know."

T.J. leaned against the Captain's console.  He'd paved him into a corner now. "She still loves you Andros."

Andros rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. "Please…don't say that."

"After this is all over, you should stay on Earth with us, at least for awhile. She's…not the same anymore."

Finally, Andros snapped. He let one of his fists fly into one of the control panels lining the wall shooting sparks through the air. "Of course she's not the same anymore!" he screamed. "Do you think I forgot?!?"

T.J. held up his hands, trying to calm his friend down. "Whoa whoa, just take it easy!  I didn't mean to-"

"What does it matter now?" Andros interrupted, leaning against the panel he'd just destroyed. It's over and done with!  You've all moved on. I've moved on."

"Do you really believe that?"

The Kerovan crossed his arms, saying nothing.

"I don't understand Andros. She doesn't understand. I don't think any of us have ever made sense of it all.  Believe me, if we could understand why you left, it would be a lot easier on us.  But what's even harder to comprehend, is why you can't just come back? Why can't you forgive yourself? It's not like she ever blamed you."

He shook his head, turning away to look back out the viewport. "You can't understand T.J., and be grateful that you can't understand. You don't want to know what it's like to live every day of your life, knowing that you took everything away from the one you love. You can't understand the burden, the weight I carry on my back everyday.

There are days when I can't even lift myself out of bed in the morning.  Days when I can't look at myself in the mirror, and see myself alive, and in the state I'm in."

 He stared out into the starry abyss.  "But this is my life…this is the choice I've made…"

Andros' head sunk, as he realized he was travelling back to Gerraria, almost four years ago. He closed his tear soaked eyes, as he began to see it all…

His battle with Sergeant Steelon…

His Spiral Saber crossing with Steelon's gigantic steel hammer, feeling the weight of the weapon twist his wrist back.

He saw the saber fly from his hand…

He felt the sick thud of the hammer crashing into his stomach, the air rushing out of him. His body curling into a ball on the ground as Steelon raised the hammer into the air.

Suddenly, the Yellow Space Ranger shouted his name. She flew through the air, kicking the evil Sergeant's body to the ground.

"Ashley, no!!!!"

He saw her weapons fly from her hands.

Oddly enough, she hadn't screamed as the hammer smashed across her face, sending fractured pieces of her helmet flying through the air.

"Nooooo!!!!!" he'd shouted, as her morphing powers failed. There'd been tears in his eyes then too.

Then he heard it. That sick, blood freezing sound of the hammer coming down on Ashley's back. That sick snapping sound…

And then, the sound that he'd heard every day since then. The sound that haunted him like a vengeful ghost. That scream, that horrid scream. He'd never heard anyone scream like that before, not even when his home had been invaded. He'd never heard a single scream say so many things at once.

"Andros, help me!"

"Andros do something!"

"Andros how could you do this to me?"

And then, the worst one of them all: "Andros! I love you!!!"

He stared out into the blackness of space. It was empty, like the void in his heart. Ashley Hammond, the love of his life, was in a wheelchair. And it was all his fault…

He whirled around to face T.J.. "Don't you understand??? It's my fault! It's my fault her legs are gone! My fault she suffers like she does! My fault she'll never-"

Suddenly, T.J. grabbed Andros by the shoulders and shoved him up against the wall.

"Ashley WILL walk again. Don't you ever say anything like that in front of me again. Do you understand?"

Andros stared into T.J.'s eyes. They left no room for doubt. It wasn't wishful thinking, he was stating a fact. Or at least, the facts as he saw them.

He let out a shaky exhale. "Does she still…does she still have to go to…therapy?"

T.J. relaxed his arms, letting Andros go.  "Yes."

Free of his friend's grip, he let his body sink down to a sitting position on the floor. He knew that seeing T.J. would make the pain worse. He'd planned to form a protective shell around himself, a callus to prevent the memories from coming back. But now, that shell had been shattered. He hadn't planned to expose himself to his old teammate like this.

And yet, it was happening, here and now.

"But…do you understand?" he asked, looking up at him. "Do you understand why I can't go back? I can't bare to look at her, and see her in that chair. Could you T.J.? Could you go back and face someone you yourself crippled? Especially someone you'd come to love and care for with every fiber in your body?"

T.J. let out a slow exhale. "You're right Andros, I guess I can't understand."

Andros wiped a tear with his sleeve, and dropped his head down across his forearms.

"But there is one thing I do understand.  She is suffering Andros.  But it's not because of the damn wheelchair."

He lifted his head up.

"It's because the man she loves is lightyears away from her.  She has to live every day not knowing if she'll ever see you again.  And I guarantee you that hurts her a hell of a lot more than her back does.

"I'm not kidding when I say Ashley will walk again someday. When she's in therapy, you can see the fire in her eyes. It's that same fire that fueled her when she was a Power Ranger. The same fire that made her attack Steelon that day. And when you see that look in someone's eyes, it doesn't matter what stands in front of them. Because it always wins Andros. The fire consumes everything in it's path."

Andros opened his mouth to say something-

"But, she's not going to wait for you forever. Do you know how many guys there are out there who would love to be in your position?" He pointed to the viewport, in the direction of Earth. "There's a beautiful, smart, kind, intelligent young woman on that planet, who loves you, and misses you every day of her life, just like you miss her. But a person can only suffer for so long. And after four years, she's starting to lose faith in you Andros. She's beginning to lose faith that you'll ever come back for her."

He stared down at the Kerovan. "She doesn't deserve that Andros."

T.J. turned away from Andros, and started for the door. Stopping in the doorway, he turned to look at his old partner one more time.

"And neither do you."

As T.J.'s footsteps echoed down the halls, Andros pushed himself up, and slumped down into the Captain's seat. He watched the moon grow larger in the viewport…