Old Sour Puss – The Transdimensional Archives

<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML> <nonECT type="application/x-oleobject"CLASSID="CLSID:850D0358-576D-83BA-D3B2-7D145CD23DF8"></OBJECT> <head><style type="text/css"> a{font-family:arial;color:brightblue;font-weight:;text-decoration:none} body{font-family:arial;color:black} h5{font-family:arial;color:black}</style><TITLE>Transdimensional Archives</TITLE> <META content="text/html; charset=windows-1252" http-equiv=Content-Type> <META content="MSHTML 5.00.2614.3500" name=GENERATOR><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://shadowserver.net/style.css">

</HEAD> <BODY leftMargin=15 rightMargin=15 MARGINHEIGHT="15" MARGINWIDTH="15">

[See "Quadruple the Spice" for an up-to-date disclaimer]

<h5><center>Old Sour Puss By Crypt</center></h5>

Pico decided to build a jet pack for himself. He was in the Astro Megaship workroom just finishing the exterior. Now he had to work on the energy source. He opened up the cabinet and searched the shelves. As he dug through the shelves, Rachel came into the room. "What you doing?" she asked. "I'm building a rocket," Pico told her. "Is this it?" Rachel asked, pointing to the rocket. "Yup, that's it." "That's not a rocket! Rockets look like big fat missiles. I've seen pictures….." "Missiles? Ha!" Pico boasted. "Shows how one can only learn so little after existing for only two months……" "How long have you existed?" Rachel asked. "I've been around for 123 years," Pico told her. "I have something to ask you," Rachel said. "Gwwweat!" Pico cried. "I'm out of rocket fuel." He started dropping things to the floor as he dug through the cabinet. "I don't ask for much, just a can of rocket fuel!" "Why are you such a worm?" Rachel asked. Pico paused. "Why am I such a worm?" he repeated. "Look at me! I'm an alien turtle, not a worm." "What I meant was, why are you so grumpy." As Rachel said it, Damon, T.J., and Carlos passed the room. They walked inside. "Now this I have to hear," Damon said. Pico sighed. "All right, I'll talk. In my world, we were born to be grumpy……taught to be pushy……not that we were told it was right or anything. No one on our planet got along. Civil wars happened every day; everyone strove to become the champion of our planet." "What planet are you from?" T.J. asked. Pico shook his head. "That planet was far too chaotic to be given a name. We should just call it hell. That's just what it was – hell. Pure hell." "So you never really had any friends, huh?" Damon asked. "No. Even the parents and children slaughtered each other. Lucky for me, I was one of the most feared citizens of the planet. My turtle-mates called me mad. Others called me insane. One bugger even called me Lowbelly Big-Bottom. I wonder what that meant?" Damon laughed out loud, but stopped when he saw Pico's dirty look. "So how did you find a friend?" Carlos asked. "How did it feel to make a friend for the first time?" "Even we got tired of being surrounded by death and destruction," Pico explained. "I left that bloody planet seeking peace. But at the same time, I was aching for a new challenge. It didn't matter if it was a challenge in combat, a challenge in poker, or a challenge in tic-tac-toe. In general, I just wanted a challenge. Then I found this high-speed racing competition that looked appealing to me, so I signed up. I never imagined that I'd actually find a friend there. The very first friend I ever made was Arbin. He was the exact opposite of what I was." "Well, as the old saying goes, opposites attract," Damon commented. "Yeah, whatever," Pico mumbled. "Arbin and I were close friends for many years, and each year, we raced in this competition. We met Mighty Gazelle and Bio Rex when they entered the race. The four of us stuck together; we didn't care for the other racers. By the way, did you know that Bio Rex is only six years old?" "Are you serious!?" Damon laughed. "Uh-huh." Pico nodded. "And that is why I am such a worm." "You're a worm because Bio Rex is six years old?" Carlos asked. "NO!!" Pico screamed. "I'm a worm because I was raised in the middle of a bloodbath! Think, Carlos, THINK! Would you be all that generous if everyone around you wanted you dead?" Carlos shrugged. Pico sighed and resumed his search through the cabinet. "Ah ha!" he called, pulling out a can. He pointed a finger at it. "Thought you could hide from me, didn't you?" "Tell us more about these races," Damon insisted. "There's nothing much to say. You just drive these hovercars at 200 mph," Pico said. "But when you drive that fast, you'd better expect to get a little banged up. I loved it, though – the thrills, the spills. The only thing more thrilling than driving on the track at 200 mph was falling off the track at 200 mph." "Sounds scary," T.J. said. "Yeah….." Pico replied. "Listen, I need to finish this rocket." "That's okay, we'll leave," Damon said. The three Rangers left the room. Pico pondered to himself. "I actually told them about my life……and I feel……good." He snapped back to reality and realized that Rachel was still in the room. "I have something else to tell you," she said. "What?" Pico grumbled. "I……I like you." "What!? Why?" Rachel grinned. "I just like to say your name over and over. Pico! Pico! Pico!" Pico sighed and pulled his head inside of his shell. Rachel walked up and tried to stick her head inside his shell, also. "Pico, come out of there!" Pico brought his head out, pushing Rachel's head out, but Rachel kept her face pressed against Pico's. They stayed in that position for a moment. Rachel grinned again. Pico gently pushed her away. "Now see here!" he growled. "There's no way that a two-month-old girl can have a relationship with a hundred year-old turtle! It just doesn't happen!" "So? I still have a lot of respect for you," Rachel said. "And you smell good, too." Pico froze for a moment, then laughed. "You know…..not many people can make me laugh." "You wanna go steady?" Rachel asked. Pico's face soured. "Why?" "Oh come on, we'd be cute together!" "What did I just say?" "I don't care if you're as old and extinct as the dinosaurs!" "We alien turtles can live forever......" "Tell you what," Rachel suggested. "Why don't you come with me, and we'll play Ring Around the Rosie with the other girls?" "I don't play kiddie games," Pico told her. "Why don't you run along and do some bird watching with the other girls?" "Okay!" Rachel left the room. Pico let out a sigh of relief. "Kids.....why are they ever born?" He gave up on the rocket and went into the dining room. The heroes were gathered around the dining room table. Jenny and Carlos were sitting across from each other with a tray of water in between them. They each had a tiny paper boat in front of them. Jenny and Carlos had their faces level to the tray. The object of this game was to gently blow their paper boat across the tray to the other side. Zhane stood beside the table over the tray. "No way! Ruth says it!" Carlos cried. "Ready....." Ruth began. "Get set….." "Go!" Zhane shouted, slapping the center of the tray, splattering water on Jenny and Carlos. The group broke out into riotous laughter as Carlos slapped the center of the tray, splattering even more water. Jenny threw her end of the tray upward, throwing the water at Carlos, but he blocked it, knocking it to the floor. "Well, that was fun!" Fulgore called. Pico sat at the table with his usual frown. "Something wrong, Pico?" Arbin asked. "Something unbelievable has happened, Arbin," Pico replied. "And what's that?" "Rachel made me laugh. That doesn't happen often." "I know what you mean," Gazelle said. "The only time you laugh is when someone gets hurt." "Damon and T.J. say that you told them why you are who you are," Arbin said. "Yep. And quite frankly.....I feel really good."

So Pico isn't all that bad. He's just had a rough past, just like any other Spice Club member. At least we know that deep down inside, he has a soft spot for other people, especially his misfit friends. However, it doesn't hurt to have a bad temper every now and then. <P±R