Disclaimer: The Blunder Rangers (except for Bulk and Skull) belong to me. Rogue Squadron belongs to George Lucas. The Q concept belongs to Paramount, but the two Q's featured herein are my own creation. Power Rangers belong to Saban (Yay, cheer, whistle). Transformers belong to Hasbro. All original characters are of my own creation. I would like to thank the Delaubenfels twins for helping me to come up with the concept of the Blunder Rangers all those years ago during karate practice, and helping me to translate them to the big screen (mines 24 inches by 24 inches, how big is yours?).
Assembling the Forces
By Adam Safran
Alpha poked his head around curiously. "Why do we have to transmit all of those codes to gain entry to dock?" the little robot asked. "I mean, why do you have all this security here? Some of those guard bots are still illegal, and is that… OH MY! AN ASSASSAIN DROID PATROL!??! What have I gotten myself into?" he began wailing.
Ravage picked Alpha up where the robot's neck was and applied a light pressure, "Stop asking so many questions. The robots are here to keep this place safe for the squadron, and to prevent any of the forces of evil from gaining control of this place. We had the equivalent of a class 8 war room here, with technology gained from time traveling rangers. And we had complete computer records on every team of Rangers in the galaxy, and all the forces of evil as well, even the ones rumored to exist. Our data library was more complete than the Council Library on Eltare, and we took steps to have slicer robots here, so they could continually update the library as needed. I hope that this complex is still active."
As the Astro Megaship docked, Ravage teleported himself to the main security access port. "Grant entry, subject Starkiller, Ravage, Rogue Squadron primary access level Red-12. Code key Zulu-Alpha-1389-A345ABC-Grey-12-Death-to-the-forces-of-evil." He said in a monotone.
The computer responded, "Voiceprint and codekey confirmed. Awaiting final confirmation to proceed to next stage of security."
"Decepticons forever!"
"Initiating DNA scan… Confirmed, identity Ravage Starkiller. Initializing retinal scan… Conrirmed, identiry Ravage Starkiller. Transform and prepare computer uplink for final entry access."
Ravage took a deep breath and transformed into a wildcat. From there he changed into a cassette and jumped into the data entry port. The computer scanned him, downloaded his files, and then scanned his spark. It was all confirmed that his identity was Ravage, now all that followed were several scans to determine that he was not under some kind of spell, or hypnosis, or reprogramming to enter. He passed all of them.
The computer said in a feminine voice, "Security access granted to
designate Ravage. Do you have any companions?"
Ravage transformed back into his human form and responded, "Yes, one Command Centre Prototype Alpha Series Unit Designate Alpha 6. Grant him level 4 security access. Bring the base to condition yellow, and initiate reactivation procedures."
"Condition yellow. Condition yellow. All units and defenses upgraded to active and full alert status. All systems report nominal. Time to complete systems reactivation estimated at 4.7647 cycles. It's been a long time. You were logged as destroyed by Rita. What happened? We've been downloading reports of a galaxy wide state of emergency. Ever since Zordon sacrificed himself and was purported to have wiped out all evil, the Council of Good has steadily been placing its defenses, military and Ranger units, on standby, or disbanding them completely. Approximately 22.653% of Council territory is now under Alliance of Evil control. The Council is still scrambling to reactivate defenses and Ranger groups, but they are moving too slowly. Many of the remaining Rangers are inexperienced due to the retirement of active Rangers, but they have been performing admirably."
Ravage pondered this and said, "Send a message to the Council asking them to activate protocol 1238-B-32489-AG789. Tell them that the squadron is being reactivated, and to send their best available candidates for consideration. Tell them to arrive at Base 14, and we'll meet them there.
"Alert! Unidentified capital-class starship approaching," the computer said at maximum volume.
Ravage raced to the nearest sensor console and broke out in a smile. "They're friendlies. The NEMESIS is approaching. She's a ship from Cybertron that is responding to my signal that I sent out some time ago. They've probably been tracking my spark. It will be good to finally meet some old comrades again."
"So, Bulkie, we're supposed to go around and find the goofiest people we can to make them Blunder Rangers? This will be fun!" Skull said in his usual high pitched voice.
"Of course numbskull. We've got to find some Rangers before the next attack. And we can't choose serious people either, we've got to choose the strangest, the weirdest, the goofiest people around, just like us!" Bulk yelled back. The powers that they now held had made them much more accepting of their goofiness, and they now took pride in being strange and different.
They figured that the best place to select new people would be their old stomping grounds, the high school. Principal Kaplan paled when the two of them entered his office, but resignedly granted them visitor passes.
Bulk and Skull passed the science lab, where they heard a demonstration was going on. A voice inside was saying, "And that's the way we make a cold fusion reaction…" before he was interrupted.
"WARNING, WARNING, REACTION UNSTABLE, DETONATION IMMINENT!" a high pitched computer voice wailed out of nowhere. The class screamed and rushed for the hallway, trampling Bulk and Skull in the process. There was an
explosion, and a teenager went flying into the wall. He looked like a much younger version of Professor Phenomenous, with wild, unkempt blond hair, dirty glasses, soot all over his face, and a pristine white lab coat with a polka dot bow tie underneath that was now pitch black. Bulk and Skull nodded to one another. They'd found their first recruit.
As Bulk and Skull stood explaining things to the young nerd who identified himself as Poindexter, they heard screams from the hall. They raced out, where they saw a teenager wearing completely green zooming across the hall on a bar of soap, waving his arms around in wild circles, screaming at the top of his lungs. The bar of soap hit an uneven tile on the floor, sending the teenager flying into a garbage can that a janitor was pushing across the hall, which overturned and started rolling as soon as he entered it. The garbage can with the teen raced down the halls at top speed, Bulk, Skull, and Poindexter in pursuit, before it hit the stairs, where it proceeded to roll down them, before coming to a painful stop at the bottom of the stairwell. The teen picked himself out of the garbage can, and began spinning around in circles before collapsing. Immediately a girl raced up to him, and said, "Oh Greenie, did you fall down the stairs AGAIN? That's the third time this morning. Don't worry, I'll help you out." The girl said. She was very pretty, a brunette, wearing all purple. She was very small, but what impressed the three boys was her physique. Every inch of her body was pure muscle. There was not an ounce of fat to be seen, and she looked stronger than Arnold. As she picked up Greenie with one arm she
inadverdantly squeezed, and Greenie let out a loud moan.
Poindexter explained, "That's Bretta and Greenie. They're a couple. Greenie is the most inept person in school history, even more so than you guys." Bulk and Skull's eyes spat venom at Poindexter, who didn't notice and continued, "Bretta is the strongest person in school history, male or female. She can bench press over 500 pounds, without even trying really hard. She's beat up the entire wrestling and football teams multiple times, and all of the school sports are fighting over her, but she hates sports. Everyone wonders how she can stay so strong, but it surely isn't steroids, or any other kind of body building drug. She isn't even aware of her own strength, and she's constantly accidentally injuring people. For some reason no matter how much she hurts Greenie, he never seems to have more than bruises. They're the strangest couple I've ever seen."
Bulk and Skull nodded to eachother. Here were four and five.
"DOGASAURUS!"
"BURGERSAURUS!"
"GEEK RANGER POWER!"
"NERD RANGER POWER"
"POW RANGER POWER!"
And thus a legend of a team of the most inept Rangers in the universe is known, as the infamous BLUNDER RANGERS are recreated once again!